Thursday, August 04, 2005

Idiots in Training

Every year I get a knock on my door (sometimes more than once a year) from a guy who says that he is participating in a communications program. That part of their curriculum is public speaking and so they have to go out and talk to people. And they every time they talk to someone they earn points towards a vacation. You sit there politely and listen to their whole spiel, figuring you just have to sign a paper saying that you listened to them talk or whatever. But no, they break into that "If you will only buy some magazines". It's then you realize that it is all a scam just to sell magazines. That even though there is a "No Soliciting" sign up in your neighborhood these guys think that it doesn't apply to them. Why? Because their summer job is to try an weasel you out of your money but trying to make you feel guilty. Oh you got the personable little chat where they try to lure you in. Yes, Yes! Come closer little fly. And no doubt you want to help support a poor little college student, after all we're friends right? Climb up my web. Come a little closer. We'll share some... uh... tea. So you just have to pick out one of these magazines that you never read anyways and buy it from me so I can win a trip to Aruba or some other such place. Aha! I've got you now! The shame of it all is that so many people get suckered into doing just that. Hey, if you read the magazine anyways, it might be a good deal, but if you don't, why are you bothering to support these spammers? Yep, in person spam, the joys. Gee, I could pay some of my bills, or buy your magazines that I don't want or need. Hmmm... The first time this happened was right after we moved into the neighborhood. I listened to the guys whole little spiel. Then when he got to the end and started his selling pitch for the magazines I informed him that the local schools do a magazine drive and that we support them. He got all ticked off and left in a huff. Sure, now that you are no longer going to buy anything the fake sincerity disappears real quick. Guess we're no longer buds. Ouch. That hurts. This past fall when one of these guys knocked at the door I politely told him that I didn't want to listen to his speech and that I wasn't interested in buying anything. He tried to say that he wasn't selling anything. So I said to him that he was going to try and get me to purchase magazines from him and that we support our schools locally through their magazine drives. You should have heard him cuss me out. Great people skills there. I wonder if he "flunked" his communications course. Today I had a person ring our door bell. I just figured it was one of my daughter's friends asking if she could come out and play. Nope. The door-to-door spammer had returned. Sure, with a new face and a friend in tow, but the same old sell. He tried to start talking to me above the youngest's whine and the dog's barking. Then I heard that "public speaking" and I stopped him right there. I told him straight out that I did not want to buy any magazines and that soliciting was not allowed in this neighborhood and that there was a sign posted at the entrance saying so. He got all ticked off (silent friend standing by) and he went off grousing and mumbling. I told him that they needed to find a new gig. Apparently he took this to mean him, when in fact I meant the company they work for. So I said that his company needed to find something new to sell. Then he went off saying how he made so much money, etc. Then traipsed up to the neighbors to go and try to scam them. Oh yes, please help me, I am poor little student, buy my magazines won't you. It's so nice that someone takes these young folks aside and teaches them how to present a false front to people, all in the name of money. Such nice values to instill. Now why does it seem to me that these people have such a nice future in embezzlement? Or perhaps their future endeavors will include telling senior citizens that they have won the lottery and just need to pay a small tax or claim fee in order to receive their winnings. Or I'm a lawyer for Zurik Zanzubara's widow. She has many valuable holdings in your country, but can not claim them due to various legal difficulties. If you would send us $500 we would gladly sign over these holdings worth 10 times that amount to you, yadda, yadda, yadda. Can't we just say NO to spam?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You couldn't have described it any better. This happened to me yesterday and I was actually considering buying a magazine, until I found out that you are really buying like 5 years worth! Rolling Stone was $65 for 60 issues, and this is published monthly. I ended up turning him away...

1/10/2007 4:34 PM  

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