Monday, March 14, 2005

Ready to Fly

I spent most of today at the hospital. My Grandfather was rushed from one hospital to another. They had him in and out of testing all day, and still have been unable to pinpoint where he is bleeding from. If and when they do find out they can give him surgery. He has lost a lot of blood, and they keep giving him more. He made a comment about how he now has somebody else's DNA in him. My SIL replied that it was more than one somebody. He keeps going through spurts of good and bad. And the bad is very scary. He will be okay and then not 15 minutes later take a turn for the worse. As of tonight he has stopped bleeding (for now) and is awake and alert. But that is of little comfort. You see the same thing was said yesterday and he took several bad turns afterwards. The same thing was said this morning at 8am. And not 15 minutes after that there was a phone call stating that he took a bad turn, was dying and had to be moved to a different hospital that had more facilities to treat him. So we can not set our minds at ease as the situation is liable to change at any moment. The last test they got the results back from didn't show where the bleeding was occurring from. (As was the same from the second test.) So now they are waiting to see if the bleeding occurs again. The first test they did this morning was inconclusive because he had stopped bleeding. If they can catch it, then they may be able to do this procedure/test again to see where it is coming from. But in order to do so he has to be actively bleeding at the time. Which is not good, but on the other had they need the bad to happen in order to help him, so it is good in that retrospect. But I would rather him not be bleeding at all. If they can find the source they can do something about it. As it stands right now they can not just make a "guess" about it. And they are not going to do exploratory surgery because at age 92 that would not be a good thing. He has a DNR order and if something were to happen during an exploratory then that would be it. When the Doctor came in to clarify his living will, he asked my Grandfather is he wanted to be resuscitated. Grandpa looked at the doctor with steel in his gaze and said "I don't want any heroics. If it's my time to go, I want to go." He started making little flapping motions with his hands. My Uncle looked sadly upon him and said "Yes, I know you are ready to go Dad. But you can't leave yet." Grandpa said "I'm ready to fly. To see what comes after, what's out there." With a world of weariness weighing heavily upon him, he sighed. "Ninety two years is a long time to live." We all in various ways exclaimed how we did not want him to go. I spoke up and said, "You may be ready Grandpa, but we're not." He's a stubborn, brave man and we all love him. And it's going to hurt like heck when we have to let him go.


Anonymous Sheila said...

Just a thought - have they done an "EGD and Colonoscopy" on your grandfather? You might want to suggest they call in a gastroenterologist to do one. Basically, they will scope your grandfather's stomach and colon to see if that is causing the bleeding. I'm sorry to hear that it sounds like your grandfather is ready to go. Its hard to adjust to that but somehow comforting to know that when it eventually does happen, he was ready for it. God bless him and you too. My maternal grandparents were 67 and 73 when they died. I'd have loved to have had them around forever - or at least until they were 92.

3/14/2005 10:40 PM  
Blogger Ro said...

Oh, my heart is in my throat and tears in my eyes reading your post. I lost my dearest grandfather when I was 11, and my dearest grandmother just last november and I still haven't begun to deal with her not being there. I know she was ready to fly too, she told me so even before she fell and broke her femur (that led to her passing). She'd had cancer of the colon a year earlier and gone through radiation and some surgery for it. So my heart goes out for what you, and your grandfather are going through.

Grandparents are supposed to live forever...


3/14/2005 11:17 PM  

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