Thursday, April 28, 2005

Would You Like Spam With That?

It seems my predicament is getting worse. Apparently everyone knows about my penile erectile disfunction. I tried to go about the office as usual, but somehow I must have let it show. Perhaps I lost the spring in my step. Maybe it's because I'm not standing around the water cooler with the guys reminiscing about our weekend conquests. Could it be even the dog pities me and has sent out the word through the bark alert system? How could my life go down the drain so fast. I mean without my dear little pal saluting me every five seconds, popping up just to say "Hi there big Fella!", my life is just not the same. One of you thoughtful folks out there has been sending me daily reminders, some times even several of them in a day to let me know that you are concerned about my lack of "get up and go". Thank you... Hey wait a second here. I am a woman. I don't even have a "penile" to erectly disfunct with! What in the world was I thinking? Those darn spammers must have brainwashed me. I wonder how many links I've clicked? Oh gawd. Please don't tell me that there is a truck load of viagra on it's way. What in the world would I do with the stuff? Grind it up and feed it to the house plants to perk them up. Gee, your daisies are sure looking nice and fresh. Hey! That one pinched me. Yeah, that's all I need. A reputation as the woman who grows those perverted plants. Seriously, does anyone ever click on those spam links? Gee, let me purchase some medications from this unknown person with the bad spelling errors, too good to be true prices and oh so persuasive advertising. How could I go wrong? And they wonder why they are in the hospital getting their stomach pumped. NOTE TO SPAMMERS: Honestly, the plumbing here is incompatible with the product that you are trying to push. I do not want or need said product. I am a female. I know you may not know what that entails in it's entirety having flunked 5th grade health class and all that, but trust me, that little miracle pill will do nothing but give me an upset stomach, oh and apparently perky house plants. As for the business end of your gig, no one likes a spammer. Get a real site and start advertising legitimately. Oh, and get spell check while you are at it. Hey, I use it and it works to take those pesky numbers and symbols out of your gobblety gook spelling. Honest! Hey, here's a novel idea, if people can actually read about what you are selling, they may actually buy it! But not me, honestly I don't need it. Oh, and if you are thinking about sending that same advertisement to hubby, trust me, he doesn't need it either. Everything is working just F-I-N-E fine. *Email address originally shown on the email has been blacked out to prevent that person from getting more spam or unwanted emails. Trust me, it wasn't my email. I must have been one of the many "blind carbon copy" people on it. And poor Charlene Juarez. Her name is being used in vain. No doubt somewhere someone has hijacked my email addy and/or name to do some spamming with. What did spam ever do to you? Why can't you just leave that poor innocent canned meat alone. Stop the abuse! Oh, and stop sending those dang ads while you are at it.


Blogger Rosesandtea said...

Oh, lawsy. You sure you can't find a use for Today Spec'ial V'iagra P'ill?

At least you can get a laugh from it all. :)

4/28/2005 4:37 PM  
Blogger Deneen said...

I get those e-mails also, not on Juno, but on my gmail account. I wonder, how did they find out about my secret hidden penis. There are spies everywhere, be warned.

Seriously, I love your blog, you make me laugh my ass off.

4/28/2005 5:06 PM  
Blogger Pam said...

Our SnB AZ yahoo group somehow got on the penile dyfuntion list. "LYS websites", "pictures from holiday party", "do you need to make your pen1$ harder" What makes it extra funny is that, out of 300 members, exactly one is a guy. And even if his pen1$ was having trouble getting 3r3ct, I don't think the knitting group would be his first choice for medical advice.

4/28/2005 5:52 PM  
Blogger Ro said...

"NOTE TO SPAMMERS: Honestly, the plumbing here is incompatible with the product that you are trying to push. I do not want or need said product. I am a female."

"And even if his pen1$ was having trouble getting 3r3ct, I don't think the knitting group would be his first choice for medical advice."


hilarious!!!*wiping tears away*

you guys are killin me here lol.

4/28/2005 9:08 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

Now that I am thinking about it, 80% off? Where are these spammers getting their drugs? I have some pain meds and thyroid meds I would love to get 80% off of, why isn't Walgreens spamming me?

"Wendy, your l3vothyroxine is 80% off if you clik h3re!" ;)

4/30/2005 3:06 AM  
Blogger justcinful said...

Wendy-- ROFLMAO! That would be the day. Then you'd go running down to Walgreens in no time flat, hoping to beat all the other spam recipients to the punch.

4/30/2005 6:51 PM  
Anonymous Lucy said...

Must tell you a funny story about the Viagra. My daughter, 24 yrs old, went to her oncologist and asked when he was going to give her a prescription for Viagra. Apparently Viagra is being tested on women who receive Doxil chemotherapy. Doxil is a chemo for breast cancer and is also used for primary brain cancer (my daughter) Doxil can cause heart problems and apparently Viagra is good for the heart. My daughter thought this was hilarious. Her oncologist thought it was humorous also. No, she did not get the prescription.

5/06/2005 5:40 AM  
Blogger justcinful said...

Lucy -- That is too much! I hope that your daughter will continue to get better.

5/06/2005 10:08 PM  

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