Would You Like Spam With That?

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It seems my predicament is getting worse. Apparently everyone knows about my penile erectile disfunction. I tried to go about the office as usual, but somehow I must have let it show. Perhaps I lost the spring in my step. Maybe it's because I'm not standing around the water cooler with the guys reminiscing about our weekend conquests. Could it be even the dog pities me and has sent out the word through the bark alert system? How could my life go down the drain so fast. I mean without my dear little pal saluting me every five seconds, popping up just to say "Hi there big Fella!", my life is just not the same. One of you thoughtful folks out there has been sending me daily reminders, some times even several of them in a day to let me know that you are concerned about my lack of "get up and go". Thank you... Hey wait a second here. I am a woman. I don't even have a "penile" to erectly disfunct with! What in the world was I thinking? Those darn spammers must have brainwashed me. I wonder how many links I've clicked? Oh gawd. Please don't tell me that there is a truck load of viagra on it's way. What in the world would I do with the stuff? Grind it up and feed it to the house plants to perk them up. Gee, your daisies are sure looking nice and fresh. Hey! That one pinched me. Yeah, that's all I need. A reputation as the woman who grows those perverted plants. Seriously, does anyone ever click on those spam links? Gee, let me purchase some medications from this unknown person with the bad spelling errors, too good to be true prices and oh so persuasive advertising. How could I go wrong? And they wonder why they are in the hospital getting their stomach pumped. NOTE TO SPAMMERS: Honestly, the plumbing here is incompatible with the product that you are trying to push. I do not want or need said product. I am a female. I know you may not know what that entails in it's entirety having flunked 5th grade health class and all that, but trust me, that little miracle pill will do nothing but give me an upset stomach, oh and apparently perky house plants. As for the business end of your gig, no one likes a spammer. Get a real site and start advertising legitimately. Oh, and get spell check while you are at it. Hey, I use it and it works to take those pesky numbers and symbols out of your gobblety gook spelling. Honest! Hey, here's a novel idea, if people can actually read about what you are selling, they may actually buy it! But not me, honestly I don't need it. Oh, and if you are thinking about sending that same advertisement to hubby, trust me, he doesn't need it either. Everything is working just F-I-N-E fine. *Email address originally shown on the email has been blacked out to prevent that person from getting more spam or unwanted emails. Trust me, it wasn't my email. I must have been one of the many "blind carbon copy" people on it. And poor Charlene Juarez. Her name is being used in vain. No doubt somewhere someone has hijacked my email addy and/or name to do some spamming with. What did spam ever do to you? Why can't you just leave that poor innocent canned meat alone. Stop the abuse! Oh, and stop sending those dang ads while you are at it.